if you like me you must not know who I am
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
