Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Quick, to the slutcave!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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