Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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