I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
