im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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