I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
