Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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