If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
