Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize