for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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