Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
