just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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