i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
