i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
