I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
