He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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