he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
