Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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