If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
