is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
