I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize