those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
