Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i drank out of a bidet.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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