i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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