I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
