I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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