i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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