We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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