Got a toothbrush?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
