like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize