Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
