Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
