Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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