All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
