it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
