i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
