sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
