dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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