Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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