I hope mine doesn't look like that
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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