well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
