that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I want a musical about memes.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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