there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
