Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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