I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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