it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
