I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
