Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize