just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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