Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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