I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
