That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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