A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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