I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
