I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This is the high leading the old right now
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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