So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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