I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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