just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
