My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
