I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
