So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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