addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
