Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
