"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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