shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
