He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize