dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Randomize
