He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
