So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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