I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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